David Blaine Needs to Get a Better Hobby

I suppose I'm not the most qualified person to tell anyone how they should spend their free time, but really, is it worth taking the long bus trip from the nursing home to see a jackass in a fishbowl because he just can't seem to get enough attention?

In other news, a recent poll of annoying driver habits, conducted by an insurance company, brought to light the fact that all people are hypocrites. Among the top-ten annoying habits people cited were talking on cell phones and switching lanes without signaling. This is much like when Entertainment Weekly polled people on which annoying habits bothered movie-goers and people listed 'talking during the movie' and 'ringing cell phones'. Yes, these are annoying, but these polls would lead us to believe that only a few people do these things and the rest of us are annoyed. The fact is, nearly everyone is doing it, and though they get annoyed when everyone else is doing it, they either ignore it or think it's justified when they themselves do it. There is a great deal of self-involvement in modern society, and even when people do something kind or charitable, it's still all about them. Don't get me wrong, I love myself. I'm one of my favorite people. I care a great deal about my own happiness. However, when I'm out in the world, I do whatever I can to avoid getting in people's way or bothering the people around me. As far as I am concerned, until one of us acknowledges one another, we should be practically invisible to one another.

For instance, when you're standing on an escalator, don't stand side-by-side with your friends or spread out with your bags blocking the entire thing. Some people don't need to go for a little ride in the middle of their day and actually use the escalator in order to speed up their commute. Let people walk by. It's sad that taking the stairs would actually be faster than an escalator because you're always stuck behind the person who thinks that modern conveniences are amusement park rides and sight-seeing tours.

I also don't quite understand the point of the car alarm. I'm sure when the idea was first brainstormed that it seemed like a great idea. However, this is America, where people tend to turn a blind eye to such things, especially when out of the 400 times you hear a car alarm go off in the course of your year, about .1 percent of those times is it because someone was trying to break into it. The rest of the time it's caused by either the owner trying to get into the car, or someone walking too close to the car, or perhaps a light breeze or the sneeze of a passing squirrel. Especially living in a city, they go off constantly, and their owners are never in a rush to reset them. Why should my sleep/peace/television viewing be disturbed because of someone else's paranoia?

Are these merely the ramblings of a cranky, cantankerous old man who now fears and hates the modern world full of teenagers and rap music? No. These are the daily annoyances of someone who goes out of their way not to be rude or obnoxious. I say 'excuse me' and 'thank you'. I'm polite to waitstaff and retailers. I walk at a brisk pace and watch where I'm going, also watching to make sure the things I'm carrying aren't hitting people. I am a considerate person who finds the greatest frustration in the fact that most other people aren't bothering to even try to be considerate, and then look at me like I'm nuts when I try to walk around them. Everyone loves an anti-hero, the loose cannon who plays by his own rules. But no one likes the obnoxious jerk who doesn't realize they're obnoxious. If you're going to be a jerk, be proud. Otherwise, please, get out of my way.