Football Makes More Sense in Europe

That was one thing that always bothered me when I was a kid, the fact that what we here in the colonies refer to as football seems oddly named since the ball spends most of the time in someone's hand, and spends almost no time making contact with someone's foot. We just have to be difficult, though, don't we. It would be one thing if we invented the damn sport and gave it a different name than everyone else, but we didn't, and not only that, we don't seem to like it very much.

So why am I talking about Soccer? The obvious reason is that it's the World Cup once again, and my TiVo is eagerly awaiting me to finish watching the Iran v. Mexico game and to start watching the U.S. v. Czech Republic game. Its also a good time to reflect on the fact that, much like with our foreign policy, everyone else in the world seems to agree on this one thing, and we couldn't care less. I'm also amused by the fact that something exists that could allow us to say "The United States was defeated by the Czech Republic".

The thing I've always liked about Soccer is that it takes a great deal of skill and control. Running while also trying to manipulate a ball with you feet, and also defending that ball...that's nigh-on impossible for most people. Plus, play is more or less continuous. One of the most irritating things about American Football (aside from the fans and the music) is the fact that much of the game involves throwing the ball a few feet, then someone running with the ball a few more feet, and then that person being tackled followed by a minute or two of discussion and people dusting themselves off. I can understand the American love of aggression, but is it all that interesting when our desire to see someone assaulted by 5 other juggernauts should outweigh our desire to watch a sporting event where each play lasts more than a few seconds?

Maybe it's just me, though. I find most sports fun to play but boring to watch. One exception might be golf, which I find to be neither fun to play nor fun to watch. Pitch and putt, that's fun. Walking for miles on end to hit a tiny ball at a tiny cup tends to be less than thrilling, and it's hard to be excited by a sport which is a favored pasttime of the elderly. Even still, I can't entirely fault someone for playing it if it holds their interest, but watching it on television? You spend minutes just watching the person prepare to hit to ball. Minutes of a person just standing there, hunched over with their club, while no one talks or moves and nothing happens. Then they swing and we can neither see the ball nor where it went and as far as we're concerned they could have just planted a ball somewhere else and told us that's where it landed. It's mind-numbing.

What if we combined golf and soccer, or to be more precise, what if we played soccer on a regulation golf course? Two teams of 11 players kicking their way through sand traps and water hazards perhaps with an occassional golf cart driving through and taking out a player. Now that's a sport Americans can get behind.