On Love and Ideology

I’ve always been fascinated by people like Jim Carville and Mary Matalin who hold politically opposite points of view and yet love one another enough to want to spend their lives together. Of course, that relationship is fascinating for other reasons as well, but it seems strange to me people who can compartmentalize like that, especially people who have very clear and strong political beliefs. Plenty of people pay little attention to politics, and switch parties from election to election, so in that case it makes perfect sense to me that they could love just about anyone regardless of ideology because it means so little to them. For people that do really care, though, I have trouble seeing how they can maintain relationships, friendships, romances with people at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Take, for instance, my family. My father is about as politically opposite from me as you can get. There are certain things we can agree on, but they are usually general observations about the human condition and have little, if anything, to do with policy. The differences are stark enough that if I wasn’t related to him - if he was just someone I worked with or met elsewhere - I wouldn’t be able to get past these differences.

At other times, I’ve been interested in or even dated women who, when I found out their political beliefs, became completely different people in my eyes. Where once I had some adoration or affection, I started to have antagonism. Ideology isn’t like a taste in music or favorites pastimes, where they all may share some similarities or you can grow to appreciate them. A person’s ideology shapes their perception of the world, and when two people have opposing views, it means that they see the world in two completely distinct and antithetical ways.

It doesn’t just go for politics, obviously, but for things like religion and philosophy as well. If you believe there is no higher power, how can you have real love and affection for someone who does. In your mind, they are not merely wrong but deluded, and their beliefs mean that they, in return, think you are misguided. Sure, these are things people can look past, and many do, but what kind of love can there be between people when you think that a person is fundamentally wrong about their worldview?

I think it’s easy for people to accept one another’s religious beliefs, even if they are contrasting, because so much of religion is hypothetical. Without real evidence to contradict one another, and with most people having their own doubts about the certainty of religion, it’s easier to assume that you may both be right about some things and wrong about others. When it comes to political ideology, there is evidence in the real world - examples to be drawn from - and those beliefs lead to actions with real-world consequences. A lot of religions and philosophies share common themes about the best way to live your life, and they may be all equally valid, but political ideologies are rarely about more than one valid answer to the same question. With religion, it’s as though each group has a different map to get you to the grocery store, with both eventually leading you there. With Democrats and Republicans, one route will get you to the store, the other will lead you to a dentist’s office; sure, a few people may need to get to that dentist’s office, but the rest of us are trying to get groceries.

So how can people with fundamentally different perspectives truly share anything resembling love? Is it possible to be friends with or actually respect someone who you believe is destroying the world one vote at a time? If love is about trusting someone and accepting them for who they are, can you love someone whose values you don’t trust and whose beliefs you yourself can’t accept?