The Debates: Live!

Disclaimer: I am an Obama supporter (obviously) and whenever possible, I’m probably going to make a joke, so don’t read this if you want purely serious analysis.

9:01 And away we go…

9:02 Emphasis on the “global financial crisis.” I think we know what Jim wants to talk about.

9:03 Hey, look, they both showed up. I guess that means John McCain was able to fix our economy in time to make it down to Mississippi. Barack is all nice and friendly to McCain, who remains absolutely silent with a look of contempt in his eyes as they shake hands.

9:04 Nice. Obama gets the important “Thanks for having us at your awesome school” first question. Oh, and he’s answering directly into the camera. I think he’s looking right into my soul.

9:05 Ouch. Obama just laid the blame for the economic crisis on the policies of Bush supported by McCain. He comes out punching.

9:06 Okay…McCain starts out by wishing Ted Kennedy well. That’s weird. Both a downer and a pander to Democrats, and a way to delay answering the questions that he can’t answer.

9:07 McCain tries to make a joke which goes so flat that he literally clears his throat afterwards, like Rodney Dangerfield. He should try looking into the camera like Barack, because by looking at Jim Lehrer he just looks like he’s avoiding America’s gaze, like the guy who borrows 20 bucks from you and “forgets” to pay you back.

9:08 So the first question is done and Barack began by laying out specific idea, and McCain basically said “we need to fix stuff. No more foreign oil. I’m old.” Jim Lehrer lays down the gauntlet and asks the two candidates to “talk it out, bitch” (not an actual quote) and solve this problem in the next five minutes.

9:10 “Are you going to vote for the plan, Senator McCain?” Pretty straightforward question, right? Response: “I hope so.” You hope so? That’s another way of saying “I don’t know.”

9:12 Jim Lehrer is trying to start a rumble, and Barack gets the first laugh of the night. Charm will get you everywhere.

9:13 This feels awkward, like couples counseling. “Tell him how you feel, John. How has he hurt you?”

9:14 John McCain: “Our best days are ahead of us.” Oh, so you mean this isn’t the beginning of the apocalypse? How bold of you.

9:15 Finally, John McCain admits that the Republicans are neither conservative nor responsible. And apparently John McCain is so ready to cut the size of our government that he already bought a pen for vetoing everything.

9:17 John McCain keeps smirking and wincing when Barack Obama describes his policies. I guess words do hurt.

9:18 John McCain says he’s fought against earmarks his whole career…and also that they’ve tripled in the last 5 years. Clearly, his fight isn’t going well. That’s leadership.

9:19 John McCain: “The worst thing we could do in this economic climate is raise taxes.” Yes, if we’re going to dish out $700 billion dollars to corporations, we should make sure we bring in less money so that the government will be broke and then corporations won’t be able to ask us for money.

9:20 Jim Lehrer keeps trying to get them to respond directly two each other, and they keep avoiding it. It’s like an eighth grade dance up in here. Make eye contact, people.

9:21 John McCain keeps coming back to pork-barrel spending. Is that the entirety of his economic plan? Cutting 18 billions dollars. He also keeps mentioning that people have requested hundreds of billions in earmarks. It’s not like they were all at once. It’s not like Obama wanted a trillion dollars. When one thing gets rejected, they ask for something else. What’s so crazy about that?

9:23 John McCain cuts off the moderator to do what? That’s right, talk about earmarks again. He also wants to simplify the tax code by making a second code, and then you have to look at both and pick one for yourself. This must be a use of the word “simplify” that I’m not familiar with.

9:25 John McCain can’t stop interrupting Barack, and he keeps laughing inappropriately. That is not a comforting smile.

9:27 Barack just gave a shout-out to Ohio and Michigan. Hello electoral college.

9:28 Barack Obama is for alternative energy, broadband connections, and science education. He’s the future.

9:29 John McCain: “We’ve let the government get completely out of control.” He realizes that he and his party “are” the government, right? And he’s opposed to Ethanol.
Yeah, fuck you, Iowa.

9:30 John McCain saved us 6.8 billion dollars by cutting a Boeing contract. Thank god, that’ll take care of all of our deficits.

9:32 Jim Lehrer is getting very frustrated.

9:33 John McCain suggest a spending freeze on everything except defense. So in an election year, he’s promising the people…nothing. We refuse to pay for anything new, so forget it. Barack calls this “using a hatchet instead of a scalpel.” Nice.

9:34 McCain is really pushing for Nuclear Power. This is just like that West Wing live debate. Watch out, California, you’re about to have a meltdown.

9:35 This “foreign policy” debate has, so far, been all about the economy. That’s good for Barack, I think, but c’mon, let’s talk about foreign policy a little. It’s kind of a big deal.

9:36 I can’t believe it took McCain this long to talk about veterans. Oh, and he’ll cut spending, but won’t say how or what. He assures us he has plans though. I guess we should just trust him.

9:37 Obama: Bush’s “orgy of spending.” Damn, that’s incendiary, and sexy.

9:38 What? You mean McCain wasn’t elected “Ms. Congeniality?” Oh, and he finally said “maverick”… twice in one sentence, and called Palin his “partner.” She’s a woman but that doesn’t mean you’re married, John. I know it’s confusing since you’ve cheated on the women you’ve been with.

9:39 According to McCain, we’re winning in Iraq. I guess those were victory bombs exploding and injuring our troops.

9:40 McCain: We can’t leave Iraq because we might have to go back. But we’ll come home. What?

9:44 Obama: “Our troops have done a brilliant job” McCain: “(giggles)”

9:45 Obama lays into McCain on the war, and McCain just smirks and laughs. He’s going to jump over the podium and punch Obama in a minute.

9:46 Hey, they passed a law in Iraq! One law?! I guess we are winning. Thanks, John McCain.

9:48 Obama: “…capture and kill Bin Laden, and crush Al Qaeda.” He wins!

9:49 The look on Obama’s face while McCain rambles on is priceless. It’s the way you look at an old person who’s confused and trying to understand “these darn kids today.” So sad.

9:51 Barack Obama, unlike McCain, knows how to pronounce words, like “Taliban,” “Pakistan,” and “Iraq.”

9:52 John McCain admits that all of our problems began when people like him washed their hands of Afghanistan after we helped them boot Russia out. Thanks for taking the blame, senator.

9:53 McCain on bombing Pakistan, “You don’t say that out loud.” So you would secretly bomb Pakistan? Yeah, that’s better. How’d that work in Cambodia?

9:55 McCain guarantees that he will not “publicly state” that he will attack Pakistan, and then grins. How is that a good thing? Does he mean he will attack them, but it’s in bad taste to say it?

9:56 Based on his facial expressions, I think McCain will have a stroke by the third debate. He does not take criticism well.

9:58 John McCain runs us through his entire record, and keeps saying “I have a record.” It’s been two minutes and he hasn’t come to a point yet. Lucky for him Jim Lehrer isn’t being a stickler about time. This was all in response to a comment about him bombing Iran. He ends by talking about Iraq. Good job, way to get confused, John.

10:01 John McCain is staring off into the distance while Barack Obama tries talking to him. The silent treatment, that could work.

10:02 Ouch, McCain is literally gritting his teeth while he talks. I can’t wait for him to lash out.

10:03 Obama flatters Jim on his ability to keeptime, and Mr. Lehrer swoons.

10:04 John McCain wants to make clear that we “can’t afford another Holocaust.” Was that unclear before, John? Was Obama suggesting we should get one? John McCain also suggests a “League of Democracies.” It’s like the League of Nations meets the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Movie. Nothing but success.

10:05 John McCain is trying to be as vague as possible.

10:08 It took McCain three times to get the name of Iran’s leader right, and he still failed, and looked crazy doing it.

10:09 McCain looks fucking pissed. I swear, he’s going to punch someone, and if it’s Lehrer, it might just kill both of them.

10:12 Every joke Obama makes gets a laugh. Every joke McCain makes meets awkward silence. John McCain’s favorite phrases “By the way…, “I know that…,” “Senator Obama doesn’t seem to understand.” And he refered to Kim Jong Ill as “our dear leader.” That’s weird.

10:15 McCain tries sarcasm. Once again looks crazy. Why does he keep waving around that sharpie?

10:16 Obama ignores the crazy, has another charming exchange with Jim Lehrer. Even if he were to lose this debate, he’s one Jim Lehrer’s heart.

10:17 Someone bought Barack a geography book…he just rattled off the names of most of the countries in western Europe, Asia, and the middle east.

10:18 Barack is hardcore.

10:19 McCain: “He doesn’t understand…” Man, this guy is a broken record.

10:20 According to McCain, Russian posters in Georgia are in English. Then he rattles off the names of Eastern European cities, and says we should “watch” them. Not take action, just watch.

10:23 Barack brings it full circle back to energy independence. I’m bummed he mentioned “clean coal” because it’s misleading.

10:26 McCain is almost stumped when asked what are the chances of another 9/11-type attack. He pauses wayyyy too long, and then says “less.” Then he shows off how tough he is by saying that he was “stymied” until some 9/11 families came along. Oh, and he fought for a commission. That’ll show those terrorists.

10:27 McCain stumbles again…couldn’t remember the word “sure.”

10:28 John McCain: “America is safer than it was on 9/11.” Well I should hope so. That’s like saying, “My house is less on fire than it was when it was on fire.” He’s essentially proud of the fact that we are just in danger, and not immediate danger.

10:31 Man, I have to go to the bathroom. Can’t McCain just storm out and end this thing. You know he wants too. Also, why bring up Reagan’s failed Missle Defense Shield? What’s that about?

10:34 Barack Obama seems to know he’s won this debate. John McCain again pivots back to “the surge.” Broken record. Also, he loves veterans. Doesn’t say how he’ll help them, just that he loves them.

10:36 “When I came home from prison…” That doesn’t sound good. It makes it sound like he was in Oz and not in a war camp.

10:37 And that’s the end of that. Barack looks pleased. McCain looks pissed. I wish his mic was still on. That sound guy is probably hearing some awesome snide remarks.

My first thoughts on the post-debate coverage on the major news networks. Were these people watching the same debate? They give McCain points for repeatedly mentioning the surge and earmarks. Was it not clear to them that he did that because those are the only talking points he has? He has no new ideas, no proposals, no ability to think on his feet.

My final thoughts on the whole debate. Obama was clear, concise, and had a lot of excellent and well-phrased proposals. John McCain was barely in control of his emotions, constantly stuttering, fumbling, fuming, and repeating the same three soundbites over and over while not actually answering some of the questions he was asked. I’m sure Obama’s supporters were pleased, but I’m just as certain that most of McCain’s supporters probably thought he did great. Early polling though, done of undecideds immediately after the debats, showed that the majority of ordinary Americans thought Obama won and think that he would be a far better President when it comes to the economy and the war in Iraq. Since those are two of the biggest issues right now, this should bode well for Obama. Now on to the Vice Presidential debates.